Hello Mr. Macbeth,
I'm sorry to say that you have shown strong symptoms of personality disorders: borderline and paranoia. Both conditions are very common among people, but having both at such high levels is very problematic.
Borderline personality disorder refers to low self-esteem. You seem to despise yourself and your actions and "beat yourself up" (both physically and mentally) because of it. An unstable relationship with your spouse is not only a cause, but also an effect. It's possible your mood can change very easily and shift into anger quite often. The only option i see for treating this is by talking about your feelings to a therapist instead of physically releasing it.
Paranoia means that you have a hard time trusting others and you almost never feel safe all times regardless of who's with you or where you are. It may be difficult to treat this condition because you may not trust other with help, but the only way to treat it is through consulting therapists and using medications.
